Death is not the end.
Death is never the end.
I wanted to write about victory and about joy this week. Since all I had to write about was the sadness of a man losing his son, I didn't.
As I entered the beginning of this week, death weighed heavily on my heart and on my mind. The tragedy of the massacre on Sunday was shocking. And it came on the tailcoat of my cousin's personal tragedy.
My cousin buried his son on Wednesday two days ago.
I now live on the east coast and my cousin now lives in Texas. My cousin buried his son in our family hometown ⏤ a small wheat farming town in Kansas.
We both lived in Texas as children. Both of our mom's (sisters) were implants to Texas from a German Mennonite wheat farming community in Kansas. Our moms were from a large family. But as small children we were cousins in a very small town in southeast Texas. As such we were only a few blocks away from each other in the late 50's early 60's. I remember spending many hours playing in either my yard our theirs. It was an idyllic childhood. Until it wasn't.
We moved from that tiny town when I was in first grade. My cousin's family stayed there.
Each of us had tragedy touch us in different ways at different times over those early years of life. Death was one of the tragedies we experienced. Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends the list was long. And for my cousin life changing. His mother, my aunt died in a horrific car accident and life was never the same for any of his family. My mom lost her dear sister. I lost my aunt, my uncle lost his wife and the mother of his four children, and my cousins lost their mom.
My cousins have never been far from my heart. As a woman that has never lived longer than a few years in one location, they were and are dear family members of my life. My cousin left Texas and moved back to Kansas early in his life. He met and married a wonderful woman and began having children and building a family. We touched base when visiting the family place. But in reality have not stayed in contact well until facebook entered our world.
But if you were to ask me who were the important extended family members in my life, I would have to say these cousins rank very high as dear family and wonderful friends.
News of his son's death shocked me. My heart has ached for him and for his wonderful wife. My heart has ached for his siblings and his aunts and uncles. My heart has broken for the sadness that covers so many of my friends that have lost children, or lost parents when they themselves were children.
It doesn't feel fair. It doesn't feel right.
And I don't have any answers. I don't have answers for the pain, for the sadness, or even for the grief. I do know who does. But saying that to those in pain and loss. What peace does that bring in the moment of sadness?
I'm sure that my cousin and his wife are walking in a fog. I'm sure his other adult children cannot believe this has happened. I know that when death or other tragedy has hit my world, I have walked in a midst of fog.
But, the stabilizer. The foundation. The rock. Has never changed.
God. God with family. God within.
God has stabilized.
Has there been anger? Yes. And I have stood with Job and been angry enough to speak my anger at God. And God has been big enough to speak His comfort to me. And sometimes the comfort has been, "Who do you think you are to question Me?"
Like Job, I have had to look to the Sovereign God and be reminded, I am not Him. He is not me.
He knows what He is doing. I don't.
Death does not win. Christ has conquered death. Jehovah in his mercy has received his children. They are not gone. They are not lost. They are simply not with us right now.
Death is hard. It is really hard for those of us left behind. But it is not the end. It has not conquered. It does not win.
I love my cousin. I want to make it better. I can't.
But God can. And I am sitting in this little Blue Moon trusting God to comfort and give rest to my cousin, his wife, their children. The aunts and uncles that have been touched by this sadness and others.
And I pray that as I write this blog of tragedy, those that read it will find the joy that Christ's sacrifice and resurrection has brought to this world forever.
I could have filled the spot with a pre-written blog. But it seemed false to me. And if there is anything I desire to offer from this blog it is authenticity.
I had several false starts. On Saturday, on Sunday, on Monday. But then I stopped trying. I just moved through my days and sat with God. I didn't even enter this blog to try to write anything from Tuesday until now.
As we work through the anger of tragedies, may we come back to the truth that God is God and we are not. That God is good and we don't understand everything. That death has not won. May God receive glory and honor in the midst of tragedy. My cousin's tragedy. The Las Vegas tragedy. The Southern Baptist Church tragedy. This list goes on and on and on...
And may we let fear drop away and embrace LIFE everlasting.
Thank you for being here.
I don't apologize for not being here on Monday.
But you find me here next Monday.
Hopefully the post will be filled with much lighter topic.
May God Bless you, right where you are.
Because He is the I AM, I am.
Robyn Rochelle Cox
with Biff Cox
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Robyn Rochelle Cox
WHOSE AM I?