I don't know about you, but I struggle with fear.
Fear drove me for many years and sometimes that ole' feeling still pops up its ugly head and causes me to shake, rattle and roll.
And because I am human I succumb.
Succumb to: questioning
WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR WORLD WHEN YOUR LIFE IS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN BY A HEALTH PROBLEM?
Two years ago I discovered the cough that was keeping me up all night, not allowing me to talk for very long without cracking and again breaking out into a cough was not a cold, acid re-flux, or even allergies. It was a rare neurological disorder called Spasmodic Dysphonia.
My teaching career as I knew it, my missionary career as I had been doing it, was over. The only for sure remedy is vocal rest.
This shocked me into asking lots of questions like, Who am I? What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life? Where do you want me God? Can you still use me God? What in the heck are you doing here God? I don't get this! — Don't worry, it is ok to ask God questions and even to get upset with Him, He knows you are anyway, might as well be honest with Him. :-) We are in the company of one of those powerful people written about in the Bible, Job. Go read the book, Job asked God questions, and he also complained!
I have been interested in the internet for about 11 years and have had a blog since 2005. Since I am not able to teach anymore, I began to wonder if God could use me with my writing on the internet.
For the last 6 months I've been fearful of opening a new internet business. I have researched, I have taken classes, I have probed other blogs and other businesses. But nothing has calmed my fears except a day by day reading of the word. I have been amazed once again at the fruitful endeavor of reading the bible. As God calmed my fears I was able to continue to ask questions, but questions that moved me from introspection to action.
How could I help people on the internet? Should I really learn how to make a webpage? (an idea I'd been playing with for about four years)
This brought me into more questionings like: What is the purpose of a webpage? Are we really called to have a webpage? What will the parameters be? How vulnerable am I willing to be? How do I learn how to do this? What has my life proven I'm good at?
And then the whole business side of the questions (which I worked through with my husband who is the backbone of the business side of this page): Do we charge money and why? Profit or Non-Profit and why? How much is too much, too little? Do we use this credit card app or that one? How do we get these apps plugged into our webpage? How and when do we push PUBLISH?
Ohhhhh the questions.
But aren't questions part of the spice and joy of life? I am not God. My questions constantly drive me to Him who is God. So, the questions have drawn me further and further into Him.
I've soaked on these two passages:
1O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.
2 You know when I sit down or stand up.
You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.
3 You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.
4 You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.
5 You go before me and follow me.
You place your hand of blessing on my head.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too great for me to understand!" NLT
1 John 3:18-20
18 Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 19 Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. 20 Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything." NLT
Yes, I can trust that God knows me, in fact, God knows everything.
Because He is the I AM, i am
robyn rochelle cox
Blessings on your day,
Robyn Rochelle & Biff Cox
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